Every Tear Shed in Grief was born of Love

Every tear shed in grief was born of Love.

Grief.
Mourning.
Loss.
Death of a loved one.

Are you still reading? 
Gold star for you.

Most of us want to turn away from grief.  Most do. We live in a time and an “antiaging” culture that does everything it can to try to convince us that we, and our loved ones, can avoid aging and death.

We can’t. 

Grief is a lost art.
Grief can be so beautiful.
Grief can be cathartic.
Grief is necessary for healing.
Grief is Love in action. 

So, how do we grieve?

I can tell you for certain that avoidance and distraction are not the way. Pretending not to be sad is not the way. Trying not to think about it is not the way.Denying your feelings or the feelings of others is not the way.

So, what is the way? How do we grieve? How do we mourn?

Grief is as individual as we are and how we Love. There is only grief where there is Love. Grief is the activity of Loving who or what you have lost.

Below is a list of some of the ways I grieve.  Try some of these on and see how they feel for you. Try something different and see how that works for you. Let me know how you grieve if I’ve missed something that works well for you.

1.     I acknowledge my grief. I say out loud to those closest to me, “I am grieving.”
2.     I choose to remember. I mark the anniversary and other reminders – songs, movies, words, phrases, games, places, food, smells. All sorts of things can remind us of someone or something we have lost. Remembering is how we Love that which we have lost.  
3.     I lean all the way into my grief and feel all the feelings that are there to feel – sadness, longing, anger, loneliness, happiness, joy, despair. Whatever is there, I choose to feel it all. 
4.     I choose not to be alone in my grief. I want support and softness and tenderness and listening and as much space and time as I need to feel complete for the moment. And then, I might want more. 
5.     I tell the story of who or what I have lost. 

Today I tell the story of my sweet Daddy who left the earth 3 years ago today. I have spent lots of time Lovingly going through literally thousands of pictures to pull these cherished moments out to share with y’all. Daddy’s death was not a surprise, he was almost 94. He left an enormous hole when he died that I did not fully anticipate. The impact of his death on our family was also something I did not anticipate. Relationships I thought were bulletproof are now nearly nonexistent.

I’ve since learned that the devastation and destruction of families and relationships is common after the death of a loved one. This feels completely counterintuitive to me, and yet I keep hearing story after story of families being ripped apart in the wake of grief.

How did I not know that? How? Because no one wants to talk about it.

I wonder, if we talked about how death of a loved one can rip families apart, if we prepared ourselves and each other, could we prevent the kind of pain and unnecessary suffering I have experienced these last three years?

I sure hope so. 

This is a big part of why I am writing this today. I’m writing for my own grief process, to be sure, and also to share with others in a way that I very much would Love to be helpful, so that you or someone you hold dear to you might possibly not experience the loss upon loss that I have.

And so, what I write or say to everyone I know has lost someone or something they love is: Every tear shed in grief was born of Love.

Grieve with your whole heart, my Loves. And if you need someone to hold you, your hand, your heart, know that I am here for that.

♥️